End it, or go the distance?

Long Distance relationships go with university like toothpaste goes with orange juice! When you go to university in another town you should break up with your boy/ girl friend because you will cheat on them. You’re young, and serious relationships should be left for the future when you’re old and using wrinkle cream. You are going to meet so many new people at university and you won’t be able to resist the urge to be with someone else. You will inevitably break up. So just do it before you go, it will make your life much easier.

What a load of rubbish! When people think of long distance relationships, they see a long dark tunnel with no light at the end. They hold to the stereotype that "long distance relationships don’t work", which is perpetuated by students who want to use university as an excuse to get with as many people as possible. People think that long distance relationships always end in a box of Kleenex and a broken heart. This is not true.

I have firsthand experience of being in a long distance relationship. After a full year of being at Rhodes, my boyfriend and I are still going strong. I think that the people who created this myth have never been in love. They do not know what a real relationship is, and therefore don’t trust in their relationship over a distance.

By saying that relationships wouldn’t last over a distance, the person is basically saying that all relationships are solely built around physical aspects. They are saying that without seeing a person physically, the feelings of love and loyalty in that relationship will dissolve and therefore the relationship will dissolve. This is totally ridiculous. A relationship is not just being physical; it also involves emotions, sharing thoughts, getting to know the character and personality of your partner and much more. Physically seeing your partner is just one part of your relationship. I’m not saying it’s easy to not see your partner, not at all. But it is definitely possible to remain together and faithful over the distance.

Within all relationships both partners are required to make an effort. With a long distance relationship the effort is just a bit more. It is about making a conscious attempt everyday to make your relationship work. Stay up at night talking to your boy/girlfriend on mxit, IM them on googletalk, phone them if you have free minutes. Email them cute emails or sms them in boring lectures, just to let them know that you're still thinking of them. If you do this, then the stereotype falls away.

Another thing that is implied by saying that long distance doesn’t work when coming to university is that you, the university student, will not have the will power to say no to cheating. This is as equally ridiculous as saying that every Rhodes student will become an alcoholic by age 20. Every person faced with an opportunity to cheat will make a conscious decision to do it or not to do it. That is your own choice. And if you want your long distance relationship to work, I suggest you say “no way, Jose!” It’s really not as hard as you think.

The important thing to remember in your long distance relationship is that while you might be experiencing this whole new world at university, your partner is off doing their own thing. Keep them up to date on what's going on in your life, and you won’t be separated figuratively as well as literally. You need to keep in contact, so that you don’t become strangers to each other.

But if you're just in your relationship for the physical experience, then cupcake, it's not going to last. Don't try long distance. But don't go giving the rest of us a bad name.

PROFILE ON A TALENTED ART STUDENT

Talented, ambitious, creative, fun and positive- these are some adjectives that are very appropriate when describing Romie Sciscio, a first year fine arts student at Rhodes University. There is something uniquely different about her. She gives you a smile that encourages and welcomes you in and after speaking to her briefly, you may mistake her for being a friend that you have known forever. Her friends describe her as “a true gem” which seems a great fit since she sparkles as a person and her talent shines through. She sees herself as “a very tolerant and persevering person who is a good motivator” and is the perfect example of a well rounded University student.

Sitting at the Rat and Parrot (one of Grahamstown’s famous bars), she tells me that she had many expectations of Rhodes when she first arrived here this year “When I first got here I guess I expected instant gratification. I saw myself as a serious artist destined for stardom and success, but soon after I got here I realised that University is like a new language that you need to learn and get used to, and you can’t exactly become a star is a foreign place so it takes time to get where you want to be- and lots of perseverance!”

Like most first year students, Romie was excited about starting a new life for herself this year and loves her independence but also misses home as she is very family orientated. Luckily for her she has become extremely close with fellow art students as they spend countless hours in the art department together whilst working on their “masterpieces” and because of all that time spent together they have formed very close bonds and have become a support away from home. “I know that I can trust them and I really appreciate their opinions when it comes to my art. They support me and I don’t know what I would do without them”.

Growing up, she was always surrounded by art as her mother was always very crafty. Every Christmas she would receive paints and utensils from “Santa” and although at the time she wondered why she didn’t get Barbies like her friends, she is now “very grateful” and sees how her parents encouraged her right from the tender age of five.
She lists the accumulative growth of her artwork as one of her biggest accomplishments and after seeing some of her work it is easy to understand why. “With this year has come the realisation that you forever learn. I came here initially thinking that I would just do my own thing but I have become so inspired by how much more I can actually learn.”

Her advice to new students is for them to take advantage of all the opportunities that present themselves and not to be afraid to ask questions. “First year of Varsity went by so fast so it’s important to make the most of every moment you have to expand your mind, heart and soul.”

FAST FACTS ABOUT ROMIE:

1. FAVOURITE MOVIE: Kiss me Kate; from the 1950’s. I love TCM classics
2. FAVOURITE COLOUR: I’m an artist so I love all colours
3. ROLE MODEL: There are so many great artists to look up to but I want to be myself and bring something unique
4. FAVOURITE VARSITY MOMENT: Meeting new people every day
5. MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT: I was talking about my art lecturer and saying how she scares the crap out of me, and I turned around and found her standing right behind me. Blind one!!!

HERSELF v OURSELVES -RHODES CRITICAL COURT

Withdrawn, quiet, obedient, shy and very observant. This is how everyone sees her but how does she see herself. She shuffles her feet hesitantly to let me into her room. A smile creeps onto her face as she notices the reassuring one on mine. The room she owns is so much more colourful than I expected it to be, a sharp contrast to her seemingly colourless life. Something stirs the need to know what else the interview will reveal underneath her layered self.
Nyasha speaks slowly cautiously, as one would if they were forced to step onto quicksand. She stiffens; wringing her hands on her laps and braces herself for the oncoming questions. She has been through the most challenging year in her life so far. She came to Rhodes expecting an easy flowing life but it turned to be quite the opposite; a hurdle track.
When she arrived she had no friends at all and felt homesick most of the time. Her facial expression confirmed that telling the story was just like reliving it. As if homesickness was not enough, she felt too shy to approach anyone about her problem adapting to Rhodes. She did not know her way around campus and always found it difficult to have to ask for directions to go somewhere. She explains how meeting new people has always been one of her biggest fears. She touches my cords of emotion when she says, “there is nothing as fearful as having to face your fears.” A true revelation of how she felt when she came to University.
Her biggest fear however was that she would not fit in. At first every first year was in the same boat; scared and observant. When everyone else had moved on to a faster university life, Nyasha was still the same. This sparked a lot of criticism from everyone around her. She shakes her head and almost whispers, “I felt so much like the ugly duckling of the university.” For some time this affected her academic work. She could not concentrate in lectures because she kept thinking that everyone who looked her way was talking about her.
She relates one particular incident that she encountered. On her second Saturday at Rhodes, she was getting ready for bed when she heard a sharp commanding knock on her door. She opened the door to find a group of first years she barely knew dressed in skimpy, glittery attire. She knew immediately that they were on a mission to show the nerd what real university life was about. Her lips trembled, reluctant to smile.
The tall gal who dominated the gang simply said, “Get dressed.” Nyasha just stood in awe with her mouth agape. She slammed the door shut in their faces and slumped against the door. She could not stand to think that everyone thought she needed someone to help her discover herself. She throws her head back and laughs. A real laugh.
Thinking back now she has every reason to laugh at how stupid she was, to think she had to fit in when all she had to do was be herself. She is not at all what people perceived her to be but one thing was certain. She is unique.

FAST FACTS

Favourite Movie: Bourne Ultimatum.

Favourite Colour: Blue.

Role model:Oprah Winfrey.

Most embarassing moment: i stepped on a wet spot and fell in the dining hall as i was going to place my tray on the trolley. What made it worse was that the leftover custard in the tray spilled all ober my face.It was like a movie scene.